The Computer I'd LIke - Too Bad It Doesn't Exist (with everything I want) yet

I am picking up my new PC laptop this morning, already have a Mac laptop, and need to be fully cross-platform. But here are the specs of the device I wish I were picking up:

• A slate - to write on and use - that also has a keyboard if I need it - keyboard is full size
• This part's new: a fully native "reading" mode that softens the glare and the light so that when I download eBooks and other things I can read without eyestrain
  
• This is new as well - extremely lightweight - maybe 2 lbs or less - but with native USB ports - 3 of them - for my printer, external backup, camera, etc.
• Built in standard VGA port - no adapter
• Takes phone calls natively without 3rd party product in that when my phone rings it goes to my phone AND to this device and I can press a button and go into automatic speaker mode (if I want to) or ignore the call
• Operating system fully integrates with built-in native antivirus antispyware antimaleware tight firewall and automatically updates - for no additional cost
  
• 8 gigs RAM native that the operating system fully accesses all the time
• 500 gig hard drive
• Runs all the apps I have right now plus lots of things built just for the slate
• Mac/PC immaterial - it all runs, even including Office - AND MS Office keeps up with updates and doesn't do the Mac on one version PC on another thing
  

Along with it I want all projectors to be fully wireless and connect to my slate with enough bandwidth to run streaming video as needed. Basically one-stop shopping, and I'll just be carrying my slate and my smartphone and so will everyone else.

Oh and it costs $500 fully loaded.

Maybe it's ... on the way?